Bringer of Chaos Page 20

  Water splashed around her calves as she waded toward him, running fingers through her hair. Her pale curls released in a cascade of silver, catching the moonlight.

  He tossed his soiled shirt and pants over a boulder, freeing his hands. Had there ever been a more beautiful woman on any planet in the galaxy?

  Joss looked straight at him, her pleasure at his thoughts washing over him.

  He opened himself to her rising desire and sent a sidere, the most intimate telepathic caress. Among all the lessons in pleasure she'd taught him, this delighted him the most. Sending her an unexpected sidere across a room always sent a flush of color to her cheeks. He loved the game of sitting in a meeting while some speaker droned on about whatever while he and Joss secretly engaged in loveplay.

  More than once, they'd left a room and met in some hidden, out-of-the-way location for a silent, lusty tryst. He grinned at the memories that evoked.

  Joss joined him in the icy deluge and pressed her body against his. Her warmth next to his cold skin sent a blast of heat through him. She lifted her mouth to his in a leisurely kiss.

  When they broke apart, she touched his chin. "Thank you."

  "For?"

  "The sidere. And for thinking I'm beautiful."

  "The sidere is pure pleasure. You can't thank a man for knowing the truth."

  She beamed up at him. "I adore you." Taking his hand, she drew him deeper into the falls--and behind it, into the dark.

  Pietas jerked from her touch and burst back into the air, gasping as if he'd held his breath too long underwater. Heat flooded his face. Why could he not face one moment of darkness? Was he a useless chi--

  No.

  He put the epithet far from him. A man must take credit--or blame--for his own actions. He was damaged. He'd turned into a craven, horror-stricken, useless coward fearing monsters under the bed. What a--

  Stop it, Pietas. You are no coward.

  He flinched at the presence of Joss in his thoughts. If only he could spare her from his cowardice.

  Joss stood before him. You have never been a coward. You will never be a coward. Ever. Look at me.

  He turned away. "Don't pretend I'm not damaged."

  "Of course you're damaged!" She put herself in his line of sight. "Look at me."

  "Joss, don't." He turned away.

  "Pietas, you spent over a year imprisoned in Stygian darkness. Of course it damaged you. That doesn't make you useless, a child, or a coward. It makes you vulnerable."

  "I can't be vulnerable!" The cold air bit his skin. "I'm a king."

  Anger sparked from her, not at him but at those who'd betrayed him. "I know you think so, but a king with no heart and no fear is no king."

  He hesitated.

  Pietas, please. Joss touched his arm. Let me hold you.

  Not worthy of you, Joss. You should go.

  I am never going to leave you! You are more than worthy! Tears spilled onto her cheeks. Ultras don't suffer the loss of limbs. They grow back. But your sense of self, of who you are, even what you are-- They stole that from you. Please don't let them get away with it. She brushed away tears. "Fight back! Let me help you. You are worthy! Please don't let them win!"

  "Shh." He cupped his hands around her face. "Don't cry. I'm not worth crying over."

  "No!" Joss threw herself into his arms. "That's not true, Pietas."

  Her anger on his behalf shamed him. How could he let her down?

  "You're not letting me down. You're facing what humans face when they're injured. Sometimes they can't come back from it. They fade away. Humans kill themselves because the pain never stops. You are a fighter." Joss gripped his arms. "Nothing defeats you. Nothing. You will beat this. Don't ever say it's cowardice. It's self-protection, and that's all it is. Your mind refuses to allow you to put yourself in any situation where you might be trapped. You can overcome your own mind."

  "Joss... How can I lead our people when I'm afraid to take one step into the dark? I'm not fit to be king. I'm not the man I was."

  "Of course you're not the same!" She brushed back his hair. "You're better than you were. Look how you restored your relationship with your sister. The old Pietas would have never done that."

  That part might be improved, but look at him. He was a mess.

  "You are not, but you could learn some new skills."

  "Skills?" He frowned.

  She took his hand. "Let's start by showing you how to escape if you're ever trapped again."

  That he could use. "What do I do?"

  "Begin by taking stock of your surroundings. It's safe where you are. You can breathe. You can take a shallow breath, can't you?"

  "Yes."

  Take one with me. She breathed in and out and he copied her. Now another.

  He took it.

  Look into my eyes. You are safe here, Pietas. This is a safe place. No one will hurt you here. You can breathe as deep as you want. Take a deep breath now and let it all out.

  He did as she asked.

  Good. Take another. Let it all out. You can go anywhere you want to go. You're not confined here. She merged her thoughts with his. He was not-her, not-him, but them.

  At her thought-suggestion, he sucked in another big breath, closed his eyes, and released it.

  Let's go for a walk.

  Alongside Joss, he followed the falling water. It cascaded over rocks and gathered at the fall's base, then splashed over one edge to flow down the caldera's sides. It trickled alongside the trail partway down to the pods, ran off to one side and fell not far from the towering units. On the lowest level, it skirted around them and out into the crater basin.

  They strolled along a narrow path, following smooth stones. The water had carved a wider track in other seasons and they ambled along its dry banks. Tall grasses rose on one side and he dragged one hand across their tops as he walked. They tickled his palm. The quiet of the caldera at night released calm. The scent of grasses came to him on a gentle night wind. Far up on the caldera's rim, two panthers sat side by side, their silhouettes stark against the moon's light. From down here, they seemed unreachable.

  As they did on every world, nightbirds swooped overhead, scooping insects from the sky. Orange and lavender slashed the western horizon, fading into rich, royal purple and up into darkest black, a backdrop for the diamond-white scatter of unrecognizable, alien stars.

  Pietas opened his eyes--and flinched. He'd been standing on the floor of the caldera and now he was halfway up it, back at the waterfall's base in ankle-deep water. He blinked a few times.

  "What was that?" He turned to Joss. "How did you do that?"

  "That, my love, is how a master telepath does a kueshda."

  The telepathic quest he'd attempted earlier bore little resemblance. He shook himself. "You took me out of my own skin. I've never experienced that before."

  Joss extended both hands and he accepted them. "I didn't keep anything back. You needed to escape."

  "Can you teach me to do that?"

  "I couldn't have before, but I can now. You're ready."

  "Six is always saying, 'Wow.' It's all that fits."

  "I'll teach you how to do a deep kueshda on your own. In case you're trapped."

  "Thank you."

  "Knowing you can get out, even if only in your mind, helps you bear it when you're confined. Pietas, no one can take your mind from you--unless you let them."

  "I'm sorry."

  "Don't ever apologize for being hurt." She squeezed his hands. "You were injured, physically, emotionally and morally."

  "Morally?"

  "You knew our people would surrender if you did but you had no other choice. You blame yourself for us being here." She touched his chin. "Am I right?"

  He clutched a fist to his chest. A hard knot formed in his stomach. "That memory invades me. It's a cancer. Can't force it away but can't stop looking at it. Plays in my mind over and over. How could I have won? What else should I have done? How did I fail? Why couldn't I see the trut
h? Why couldn't I make anyone believe me?"

  She moved aside a lock of his hair. "If one of your soldiers had been in the same situation, would you have punished him?"

  He wanted to say "yes" but could not. "It's not the same thing."

  "What's different?"

  "I don't expect as much from others as I do myself. I should have been better. Stronger. Faster. Wiser."

  "You aren't at a point yet where you can forgive yourself, but one day you will."

  "Never. I destroyed our people. I deserve no forgiveness."

  Joss moved into his arms, soothing him with her warmth. "You believe that now but one day you'll understand. It might take time, but you have plenty of that. You need to let yourself face the memory and accept that it was out of your hands. You are not a god." She met his gaze. "You're immortal, not infallible. You're worthy and you can heal. You will heal."

  He stood there in the moonlight, holding her, naked, freezing in ice water, marooned on an alien planet with insurmountable odds to face. Yet with Joss at his side, he counted himself the luckiest man in the universe.

  "How I love you. Thank you for those honest thoughts."

  He kissed her. I love you. He slid his fingers through her wet hair. "Joss, when we first connected, I caught a glimpse of what's behind the waterfall."

  "It's a great spot."

  "So I saw." Pietas swallowed. He wanted this. Wanted freedom from fear of any thing, any place. "Take me there."

  She hesitated, but didn't question. Joss released one hand and led him back toward the falling water, then behind it, into a pocket with walls carved smooth by the falls. The rush of water quieted. Through reflection and refraction, the chamber held light yet was cut off from the outside. Like looking out through frosted, moving glass.

  Not confining at all.

  "Joss!" His voice echoed. He could breathe. The chamber held plenty of air. The top soared far overhead. "This is huge. Impressive. How did you find it?"

  "Luck, pure and simple."

  "You have a knack for finding private places."

  "Telepath. I'm happy being alone. Plus, no wind." She held one hand beneath the falling water. "It's quiet here and the water is less cold."

  "Cold?" He grinned. "Who's cold? Seeing you, definitely not me."

  She broke into a huge smile. After twisting her wet hair into a tail, she tossed it behind her. Water droplets glistened on her skin and sat like jewels on her lashes. She brushed them away. Flattened, darkened by water and swept back from her face, her gorgeous hair took second place to her huge blue eyes and generous mouth. The cold water had darkened her lips, left them wet and inviting.

  "The way you're looking at me..." Joss trailed fingertips up his arms, "I don't need telepathy."

  "No?" He cupped her chin, leaned in, and dropped a kiss on one side of her mouth. Maybe so, but feel free to tell me-- he kissed his way across to the other side --if I miss a spot.

  Chapter Forty-five

  The moon was setting when Pietas and Joss emerged from the hidden cave. Holding her hand, he lifted it to his mouth and kissed it. Once they reached the water's edge, Joss unfolded a cloth and handed it to him. They toweled each other dry.

  He helped her towel her hair and gather it. Once she'd pinned it up, he drew her to him.

  She turned and kissed him. "I have a surprise for you." She tapped him on the chin. "And no, not that kind of surprise. Here." She picked up a bundle of khaki-colored clothing and held it out to him. "Put this on."

  "What is this?"

  "A Councilmember field uniform. Dessy and Six have been working on it for a couple of days."

  "They did this for me?" He handed her the pants and slipped on the shirt. Longer than his usual, but otherwise, it fit well. After getting out of the water, he dried his feet and then took back the pants. The waist had room to spare but the pant legs hung to the tops of his feet. "I'm in my own uniform. This is wonderful! I look like an Ultra again."

  "Turn around. Let's see you."

  He turned in a slow circle.

  Joss clapped. "You look gorgeous."

  "You're the one who's gorgeous." He pulled her naked body into his arms and kissed her. "Thank you for this."

  "I'm the delivery person. You should thank your sister and Six."

  "I will." He released her. "I can't believe Dessy did this for me. Six, I could see. He has a servant's heart." He slid his hands along his uniform. "Which I love about him. But Dessy? I'm stuck saying 'wow' again."

  "Your sister loves you, Pietas. You should never forget that." She pulled on pants and drew on her tight-fitting undershirt.

  He held her outer uniform shirt for her. When she turned to face him, he slid the backs of his fingers along her skin. "Need help with those buttons?"

  "Thank you." She pushed his hand away. "I can handle this part."

  He smirked. "So could I."

  Laughing, she shook her head at him. "Shall we rescue your other clothes or leave them for the water to beat into pieces?"

  They still hung over a rock beneath the falls. "They're rags. Six won't want them back. Not now." Pietas ran his hands down the smooth cloth. "So these belonged to Armand and Philippe?"

  "Philippe donated the pants. Armand gave the shirt. Or was it the other way around?" She paused. "Anyway, we looked but no one in camp has shoes your size. You could use the twins' shoes for a catamaran on the lake."

  He chuckled. "I don't mind going barefoot. Although Six pointed out if someone mentions Father, I step on something or twist a foot."

  "Really?"

  "Happened several times while Six and I were hiking. One day as a test, he randomly slipped in the word 'father' and I tripped both times. Unsettling that he has so much influence."

  "Yes, it is." She took his hand. "You want to try sleeping for a while? We'd have to go back to camp. The upper cavern is taken. The twins wanted to go up there with--"

  "Stop. I do not want that picture in my head."

  They arrived in camp a short while later to find Michel on duty by the fire. The pods had been moved back inside the cave. Koliga slept in the one Mahikos had used. Pretosia perked up and regarded Pietas from his sleeping mother's pod. Off to one side, Tiklaus lay beside Six, who slept on the ground, his backpack serving as a pillow. The cat looked at Pietas, then went back to sleep.

  "Joss," he whispered. "I thought you said Dessy was with the twins." He pointed. "She's in her pod."

  Joss glanced around. "I guess they went alone. That's odd."

  Michel waved to them from the side and they joined him. "They're not alone. They took your father up to the other cave."

  The back of his neck tingled. "Did they say why?"

  "To take care of him. Thing is, he had recovered, but they insisted he needed personal attention." Michel shrugged. "I wasn't telling them no."

  "I see." Pietas headed for the moonlit the trail leading to the cavern.

  Joss slipped her hand into his. "I'll go with you."

  "Thank you, but I'll handle it." He stopped, kissed her, and drew her hand to his lips. "It's my responsibility. Stay here. Get some time alone. I know you need it." He touched her cheek. "I'll be back."

  He waited until she walked away before resuming his pace. If the twins were doing what he thought, could he stop them?

  He'd prefer to watch. Or help.

  Chapter Forty-six

  Constant shielding kept voices out of Joss's head. For the most part. Since the trial, that had dwindled to never. Shielding required energy, gained through sleep and food. The best rejuvenator, time alone, had disappeared since Pietas arrived. Also, largely thanks to her desire for him, sleep.

  Tonight, with the camp resting and Pietas checking on his father and the twins, she had a rare moment to herself.

  After the trial, the frayed emotional state of the Council had blasted through every vestige of her protection. She'd isolated Pietas to calm him not merely for his own good, but also hers.

  In the past few d
ays, he'd gone from a fledgling telepath to a powerful one. She could no longer shield against his thoughts.

  How had he gained the ability so fast?

  She'd learned the rudiments of shielding within days after her creation. Joss had studied, practiced and honed her telepathic skills for centuries. She'd mastered her craft, but Pietas had reached an astonishing level within days. Nothing in her experience explained the rapidity of his change.

  Some outside force was at work. But what?

  Across the camp from her, the darkness itself moved.

  She caught her breath.

  With a flash of green, a panther padded past.

  She released the breath and rubbed her eyes. Were the panthers strengthening his telepathy? Perhaps the bond he'd developed with Tiklaus had altered him.

  She poked the campfire's embers with a stick. Sparks rose, bright in the cool night air.

  A scuffling noise preceded Six's human scent. Moments later, he ambled into view, bow in hand. Scratching himself, he yawned. Upon seeing her, he halted. "Oh, sorry. Thought I was the first one up."

  Joss motioned to the ring of flat-topped stones circling the fire. "There's plenty of room. I don't mind."

  Tiklaus peeked around the upright pods, then disappeared behind them.

  With another yawn, Six plopped down near her. He set down his bow and held out his hands to the flames. "Cold in the cave."

  "I bet. You know, Six, you're the single person whose thoughts I can't hear. It's refreshing."

  "You hear everybody?"

  "Unfortunately."

  "Must suck to be a telepath. I'm not even close to being one and I get tired of it."

  "Tired of...?"

  He tapped one finger to a temple. "Overhearing Pi."

  She tossed the stick into the embers. "Overhearing. You mean his thoughts?"

  "Yeah." Six rubbed his hands together. In the firelight, his dark eyes looked black. "But just Pi."

  "Just..." Like a lock with the right key, the mystery of Pietas and his enhanced ability tumbled into place. "You can hear Pietas but you can't hear anyone else."

  "Yeah."

  "But he can't hear you."